Things can get pretty difficult when a significant relationship ends. Irrespective of the reasons why the split occurred there is bound to be lots of changes that need to be made. Depending on the individual concerned it can easily feel as though your whole world has been turned upside down.
Divorce or Breakup affects a great many people. And, in many respects it can feel similar to that of bereavement. Whether it was of your own doing or not, a breakup can spell the start of a whole host of unwanted feelings.
This blog post will provide some sensible advice for people who are struggling to come to terms with a relationship that has broken down. Here,we will look at some tips that can actually help the “grieving” process and make things a little easier to bear.
It’s OK to Have Different Feelings
Perhaps the first thing to understand is that it is perfectly OK to have a variety of different feelings. Given that for many people this will be like entering into unchartered territory, you never quite know how you are going to feel. So don’t fight or try to block out your true feelings as its natural to feel some or all of the following:
Accepting that these feeling tend to lesson over time can be very reassuring in these difficult times. Holding back or even hiding how you truly feel can be damaging for the individual concerned. Very often if this approach is taken the “healing” process is put on hold. For this reason alone it is far better to get things out in the open. This way at least you can start to put things into perspective.
Reach Out to Others
Some people find it very difficult to talk about how they feel, even during normal circumstances. The break up situation can compound this and make things even harder.
However, if you can it is almost always better if you can reach out to other people. Even just by being aware that others know how you feel can make a huge difference. At least this way, when the time does come that you feel you can speak more openly about things other people will be ready.
In the event of not feeling comfortable in talking to others it might be a good idea to try to keep some kind of journal. Just noting down how you feel about certain issues can be similar to speaking to others. Some individuals will find this approach to be an effective way of avoiding bottling things up.
Understand the Difference between Normal Grief and Depression
It’s very easy to say, but over time grief become easier to deal with. Although of course at the very beginning it can have an almost paralysing effect, stopping you in your tracks. It is important to be aware that after a while as each day arrives you will feel a little better about things. That said if you really don’t feel any forward momentum then it could be that you are suffering from depression.
If this is the case then you shouldn’t allow this diagnosis to make you feel worse than you already do. It doesn’t make you less of a person. A good way to view it is that a slightly different approach may well need to be taken to get yourself back on track.
Depending on the nature of the breakup it might be sensible to review the money coming in and going out. Writing things down can help enormously in this respect as it works as a mechanism to get things out in the open. A whole financial review might be necessary in this case, to protect yourself from further upset later on. Remember, bills won’t simply stop arriving just because your relationship has ended.
One aspect that should never be forgotten relates to retirement. Pensions should be double checked if you want to cut out your previous partner from any benefit later on in life. Additionally it is probably a good idea to take a look at existing wills and organise any amendments as necessary.
Coming to terms with a breakup is never easy as your author (Tom Davies) knows only too well. Whilst it can be hard on day one, he recommends making sure that you have an up to date legal will in place for the future.